Vol. 3, No. 6 · 25¢ thefestivusproject.com

THE DAILY NOTHING

October 30, 1991 New York Final Edition
S03E06 · Season 3, Episode 6 of 180

The Parking Garage

After a trip to a New Jersey mall, the group wanders a multi-level parking garage for hours while each faces their own deadline — Elaine's goldfish are dying in the bag, George owes his parents an anniversary dinner, and Jerry's bladder is about to rupture. Jerry invents a fatal urinary disease called uromysitisis to talk his way out of a public urination citation, then George gets caught doing the same thing and the guard doesn't believe him either. They find the car with help from a Scientologist whom George immediately offends, pile in, and the engine won't turn over.

What's The Deal?

George's JobUnemployed
References
Scientology
Dark Turn
Elaine's goldfish suffocate in the bag

The Full Story

The group goes to a New Jersey shopping mall for cheap air conditioners, but Kramer alone gets the last one. Leaving, they are stranded in the multi-level parking garage in search of Kramer's car. Elaine needs to get her new goldfish home, George is due to chaperone his parents for their wedding anniversary, and Jerry, having failed to find a bathroom, needs to urinate. After many false sightings of the car, they lose both direction and hope. Struggling to carry the air conditioner, Kramer stows it behind a random car.

Elaine's fish are succumbing to suffocation, but her pleas to hitch rides with random strangers to search for Kramer's car fall on deaf ears. Jerry is disgusted by Kramer's suggestion to urinate discreetly in the garage, but grows desperate enough to do so, and is caught by a security guard, leaving the others to search for both him and the car. Jerry makes up outlandish excuses for his misdemeanor, claiming to suffer the fictional, deadly disease of "uromysitisis", and passing off George's predicament—embellished unbelievably—as his own. Thanks to Jerry's lies, when George, too, is caught peeing on Kramer's advice, the same guard disbelieves his story.

After being fined, Jerry and George reunite with Elaine, whose aggravation at apathetic bystanders nearly draws the ire of two bodybuilders. George is persuaded to hitch a ride with an attractive woman as a chat-up line, and succeeds. She graciously chauffeurs the group, but George unwittingly offends her belief in Scientology and she throws them out—next to Kramer's car, by chance, but with Kramer still missing. Finally retrieving his air conditioner, Kramer arrives much too late to salvage Elaine's fish or George's obligations. They all get in the car, but the engine fails to start.