Vol. 5, No. 22 · 25¢ thefestivusproject.com

THE DAILY NOTHING

May 19, 1994 New York Final Edition
S05E22 · Season 5, Episode 22 of 180

The Opposite

George concludes that every decision in his life has been wrong and commits to doing the exact opposite of his instincts — ordering the opposite lunch, being honest about his unemployment on dates, and telling George Steinbrenner to his face that his tenure as Yankees owner has been a disaster, which gets him hired as Assistant to the Traveling Secretary. Meanwhile, Elaine buys Jujyfruits before visiting her hospitalized boyfriend Jake, eats them at his bedside, and triggers a cascade that costs her the relationship, her apartment, and her job when she fails to warn Mr. Lippman about his runny nose before a meeting with Japanese investors, torpedoing Pendant Publishing's acquisition. Jerry's fortunes break perfectly even at all times, and Kramer spits coffee on Kathie Lee Gifford during his book tour.

What's The Deal?

Jerry's GirlfriendRachel
George's GirlfriendVictoria
George's JobAssistant to the Traveling Secretary, Yankees
Elaine's BoyfriendJake JarmelBreaks up with Elaine for prioritizing buying Jujyfruits over visiting him in the hospital
Elaine's JobUnemployed — Pendant Publishing goes out of business
Elaine's ThingBuying Jujyfruits before visiting hospitalized boyfriend
Kramer's SchemePromoting coffee table book on talk shows
References
Coffee table book about coffee tablesLive with Regis and Kathie LeeKathie Lee GiffordRegis PhilbinGeorge SteinbrennerNew York YankeesJujyfruits
Dark Turn
Pendant Publishing goes bankrupt after Elaine fails to warn Lippman about runny nose

The Full Story

Elaine is on a winning streak, having earned a promotion and a raise, and gotten back together with Jake Jarmel. Pendant Publishing is also getting acquired by a Japanese conglomerate, which will bail them out of financial trouble. At Monk's, George returns from forlorn soul-searching, concluding that every decision in his life has been wrong, and orders the "opposite" of his usual lunch.

George's order attracts a woman's attention, but despite his self-consciousness, Jerry, for his own amusement, tells George to trust the opposite of his instincts. Doing so pays off: the woman, Victoria, goes out with George despite his joblessness, and he fascinates her by going unshaven; saving his temper for standing up to inconsiderate moviegoers; and refraining from making moves too soon.

Waiting for her movie date with Jake, Elaine is notified that Jake was hospitalized. She buys some Jujyfruits before leaving to see him, then eats them at his bedside. Jake realizes that she put the candies before his wellbeing, and breaks up with her acrimoniously.

Pendant books Kramer TV appearances to promote his coffee table book about coffee tables. On Live with Regis and Kathie Lee, the book gets a warm reception as Kramer demonstrates its fold-out table legs gimmick, but he spits up a mouthful of coffee on Kathie Lee. Mr. Lippman, now suffering a nasty cold, cancels Kramer's book tour.

In the span of five minutes, Jerry loses one gig but gets another to replace it, prompting Kramer to call him "Even Steven". Jerry then breaks even at a poker game, and realizes that his misfortunes always even out without fail. Elaine tests this by throwing away his twenty-dollar bill; he finds another in his pocket. Jerry stops worrying about his life entirely, even when Rachel breaks up with him.

Victoria's uncle gets George an interview with the New York Yankees. Throwing not only his instincts but all common sense to the wind, George does not hide how he lost his past jobs, and, meeting George Steinbrenner, refuses a handshake and pillories his tenure as team owner; Steinbrenner reacts by hiring George on the spot as Assistant to the Traveling Secretary. George even reveres his parents as he finally moves out of their house.

Elaine gets evicted from her apartment, having racked up a laundry list of misconduct like using Canadian quarters for the coin-op washer, and letting a jewel thief and Jehovah's Witnesses into the building. Jerry reassures Elaine that her and George's reversal of fortunes is merely his own life evening itself out.

Going to his meeting to close the acquisition deal, Lippman forgets his handkerchief, and Elaine, through a mouthful of Jujyfruits, fails to warn him. Unable to wipe up after sneezing, Lippman refuses a handshake, grievously offending the Japanese delegation and scuttling the acquisition. Pendant goes out of business, leaving Elaine jobless and Kramer's book unpublished. Elaine, dressed shabbily, laments that she has "become George" as he arrives with newfound style and swagger.