Vol. 7, No. 19 · 25¢ thefestivusproject.com

THE DAILY NOTHING

April 4, 1996 New York Final Edition
S07E19 · Season 7, Episode 19 of 180

The Wig Master

Jerry buys a jacket he doesn't want just to prove a ponytailed sales clerk named Craig wrong, and Craig starts dangling a Nicole Miller dress discount to keep seeing Elaine — who eventually discovers the dress was in stock all along and retaliates by cutting off his ponytail to sell for wig hair. George finds condoms in his car from the discount parking lot where prostitutes are servicing clients, and when Susan catches him talking to one of them, she believes his explanation — to his disappointment, since he was hoping for a breakup. Kramer borrows a technicolor dreamcoat from a Joseph cast member, picks up a wind-blown hat and a silver-handled walking stick, goes to retrieve a pink Cadillac from the lot, and gets arrested because the police take one look at his outfit and assume he's a pimp.

What's The Deal?

George's GirlfriendSusan Ross
George's JobAssistant to the traveling secretary, Yankees
Elaine's BoyfriendCraig StewartUses fake dress discount to keep seeing her
Elaine's JobJ. Peterman Catalog
Elaine's ThingCuts off Craig's ponytail for wig hair in revenge
Kramer's SchemeWears Joseph's technicolor dreamcoat, gets arrested as a pimp
References
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor DreamcoatNicole Miller

The Full Story

When Jerry leaves an upscale clothing store without making a purchase, he feels guilty and claims he will return with a friend to get their opinion of a jacket he does not like. The sales clerk Craig Stewart, who sports a long ponytail, looks skeptical. Jerry returns with Elaine just to prove Craig wrong. Craig flirts with Elaine in front of Jerry, making him feel emasculated. Moreover, Elaine strongly endorses the jacket, thereby pressuring Jerry into buying it. Craig promises Elaine a discount on a Nicole Miller dress, but claims it sold out immediately after and is being restocked.

George and Kramer begin parking at a discount parking lot. After picking up his car George discovers a condom inside and suspects prostitutes are servicing their clients inside the cars. The lot loses Kramer's keys, forcing him to use another customer's Mary Kay pink Cadillac Eldorado and sleep in Jerry's apartment. George questions the prostitutes hanging around. He offers one of them money for information, but is caught by Susan. Susan has no trouble believing him when he explains, to his frustration since he was hoping she might call off their wedding due to his seeming infidelity. The lot refuses to refund George's money, denying the prostitution allegations, and says George cannot reclaim his car for several days because it is parked in the back.

George and Susan have a houseguest, Susan's friend Ethan, who is the "Wig Master" for a production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Ethan's co-worker, the show's costume designer, lends Kramer the technicolor dreamcoat. Wearing the coat, a woman's large hat blown off by the wind, and a silver-handled walking stick Elaine gave him after writing about it for the Peterman catalogue, Kramer goes to pick up the Cadillac. He finds a prostitute servicing a client in the car. When he ejects them, she starts attacking him over the fee he has cost her. Police arrive and assume Kramer to be a pimp due to his attire and fight with a prostitute, and arrest him.

Fuming about Craig's slight toward him, Jerry unsuccessfully attempts to return his jacket in order to deny Craig the sales commission. When Jerry is lunching with Ethan, a friend of Ethan's stops by and sets up a get-together with him; Jerry demands to know why he assumed he and Ethan were not together.

Jerry suspects Craig is just promising the discount on the dress in order to keep seeing Elaine. She does not believe it, especially when Craig promises the same discount to a male friend. When Elaine is over at Craig's apartment, his manager calls; she confirms from him that the dress has been in stock all along. In revenge, Elaine cuts off Craig's ponytail to sell for wig hair.