Vol. 9, No. 3 · 25¢ thefestivusproject.com

THE DAILY NOTHING

October 9, 1997 New York Final Edition
S09E03 · Season 9, Episode 3 of 180

The Serenity Now

Frank Costanza's anger management tape has him screaming "Serenity now!" at the top of his lungs, and he pits George against childhood rival Lloyd Braun selling computers by phone — George secretly buys dozens of computers to inflate his numbers and stores them in Kramer's apartment, where Kramer's bottled-up rage from his own serenity-now practice explodes and he smashes every one. Jerry's girlfriend goads him into expressing real anger for the first time in his life, which cascades into a full emotional awakening — he cries, tells George and Kramer he loves them, and proposes to Elaine, who accepts because she needs to escape her "shiksappeal" that has bar mitzvah boys and rabbis hitting on her. Frank reveals Lloyd's phone was never even plugged in — he just played along with Lloyd's delusional sales to give George someone to compete against.

What's The Deal?

Jerry's GirlfriendPattyGoads Jerry into expressing anger
George's JobComputer telemarketer for Frank Costanza
George's LieBuys computers himself to inflate his sales numbers
Elaine's JobJ. Peterman Catalog
Elaine's ThingEvery Jewish male hits on her due to shiksappeal
Kramer's SchemeTurning his hallway into an Anytown USA front porch
References
The NetMicrosoftIBMNew York KnicksBewitchedPandora's BoxWaterpikBoggleLloyd Braun
Dark Turn
Kramer's bottled rage explodes and he destroys all the computers
Jerry proposes to Elaine

The Full Story

An instructional tape advises Frank Costanza to say "serenity now" every time he gets angry in order to keep his blood pressure down. Frank hires his son George and George's childhood rival, Lloyd Braun, as computer telemarketers. George is so determined to sell more than Lloyd, he purchases numerous computers and stores them in Kramer's apartment, planning to get refunds after. Lloyd is fired when George appears to outsell him. Before he leaves, Lloyd warns George the "serenity now" mantra is actually harmful, as it bottles up emotions.

Jerry's girlfriend Patty observes that he never gets angry, and concludes he is repressing his emotions. At her continued goading, Jerry expresses real anger for the first time. Uplifted by the release of emotion, Jerry begins expressing anger all the time, driving Patty to break up with him. He begins experiencing other newfound emotions; he cries over Patty leaving him, tells George and Kramer he loves them, and asks Elaine to marry him.

Elaine goes to the bar mitzvah of her ex-boss Mr. Lippman's son Adam. Adam celebrates by giving her a French kiss. Word gets around, and she is invited to six more bar mitzvahs. When she tells Adam the kiss was inappropriate, he bitterly renounces Judaism, and Mr. Lippman French kisses her. George tells Elaine that it's because Jewish men are attracted to non-Jewish women, a concept called shiksappeal. She is skeptical at first, but after Jerry's proposal Elaine consults Rabbi Glickman for advice on how to eliminate her shiksappeal. He comes on to her as well.

Kramer is inspired to turn the hallway area outside his apartment door to resemble a front porch in "Anytown, USA", with lawn chairs, potted plants, American flag, wind chimes, and screen door. This draws vandalism from kids. He uses Frank's "serenity now" mantra but eventually his pent-up anger releases and he takes it out by smashing all of George's computers. When George suggests that Lloyd's sales should offset this financial disaster, Frank reveals that he never even plugged in the phone Lloyd made sales calls on; he apparently just played along with Lloyd's delusional "sales" so George would have someone to compete against.

To ease George's resulting despondency, Jerry urges him to confess all his emotions, which disturb Jerry so much he becomes emotionally repressed again. Elaine accepts Jerry's proposal, but he is no longer interested. Frank and Estelle fight over his use of the garage as an office. At George's suggestion, Frank uses a new relaxation phrase "Hoochie Mama" when an angry Estelle tries to park in the garage.