Vol. 9, No. 4 · 25¢ thefestivusproject.com

THE DAILY NOTHING

October 16, 1997 New York Final Edition
S09E04 · Season 9, Episode 4 of 180

The Blood

George's girlfriend's vanilla incense makes him hungry during sex, so he starts sneaking pastrami from the nightstand drawer — when he escalates to eating a sandwich and watching TV mid-act, she dumps him, but his appetites are now permanently fused and he ends up having sex with Elaine's friend Vivian on the kitchen floor over their shared love of pastrami. Kramer refuses to pay rising blood bank fees and stores his own blood in Newman's refrigerator, which saves Jerry's life when Jerry launches a knife into his own jugular — but when Kramer's car overheats on a blood-bank run, he pours blood into the radiator, it leaks onto Izzy Mandelbaum's feet while Jerry is tied to the bumper for exercise, and Jerry gets dragged down the street and needs a transfusion from Newman. Elaine proves she's responsible enough to babysit but ends up trapped in her apartment with a screaming child after Kramer accidentally pulls off her doorknob.

What's The Deal?

George's GirlfriendTaraBreaks up with George after he eats, watches TV, and has sex simultaneously
Elaine's JobJ. Peterman Catalog
Elaine's ThingProves she can babysit but gets trapped by Kramer pulling off her doorknob
Kramer's SchemeStoring his own blood at home to avoid bank fees
References
9 1/2 WeeksGhostbustersCaligulaC-SPANBiosphereHoHosJell-OIzzy MandelbaumEven Steven
Dark Turn
Jerry stabs himself in the jugular
Kramer puts blood in car radiator

The Full Story

Jerry feels he is getting out of shape and starts a purification program to improve his diet. His parents buy him sessions with a personal trainer, Izzy Mandelbaum. Meanwhile, Elaine is offended when her friend Vivian implies that Elaine is not responsible enough to babysit her son Jimmy and asks Kramer to babysit him. Elaine follows Kramer to Vivian's house, pushes him into the bushes and takes over. Jimmy turns out to be badly behaved, but wanting to thoroughly erase her irresponsible image, she tells Vivian she had no trouble. This prompts Vivian to have her babysit more often and even suggest that she will leave Jimmy in Elaine's care if her ongoing health problems flare up.

George decides to add food to his sex life after his girlfriend Tara's vanilla-scented incense makes him hungry. Although Tara is disgusted when he suggests integrating a pastrami sandwich into their lovemaking, he is so delighted at combining sex and food that he begins covertly eating food from the nightstand drawer during sex. However, when he starts to eat a sandwich and watch TV during a sexual encounter, she breaks up with him. By this point, George's carnal and culinary desires have become intertwined. Elaine brings George to Vivian's house to make up an excuse to get her out of taking care of Jimmy. When George finds Vivian shares his pastrami and TV fetish, they have sex on the kitchen floor. This leaves George saddled with babysitting Jimmy.

Kramer is upset at rising fees at the blood bank and stores his own blood at home. Jerry accidentally launches a knife into his own jugular, and Kramer donates three pints of his at-hand blood to save his life. Kramer guilt-trips Jerry into letting him and Newman make sausages in Jerry's kitchen. When Izzy sees the sausages, he thinks Jerry is eating unhealthily and confiscates them. Irate at this, Newman stops allowing Kramer to store blood in his refrigerator. Kramer takes it back to the blood bank, using Jerry's car since his own lacks working air conditioning. The car overheats, so Kramer puts some blood in the radiator. For a workout, Izzy ties Jerry to the car and makes him run behind it. The blood leaks onto the driver’s feet, causing him to panic and accelerate. Jerry is dragged down the street and requires another blood transfusion, this time from Newman.